Monday 25 January 2016

Are You Struggling?

I read somewhere that the third weekend in January is the one where most New Year's Resolutions fail.

It's easy to see why.

To start with you're all fired up with energy and enthusiasm. And however hard it is, it's all a bit of a novelty at least.

Then, three weeks later, it's still hard, and the novelty's worn off. All you can see stretching ahead of you is a lifetime of denial, and you're thinking is this it? Surely making it to (nearly) the end of January is enough. I can't be expected to do this forever!

Well, I found a fabulous story from a lady called Anne Lamott which may help you. She's the author of a book called 'Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life.'

Anne tells a tale about her older brother, aged ten at the time (about the same age as #2).

Anne's brother had been asked to do a project on birds. He was given three months to work on it, so it was obviously expected to be a pretty comprehensive study.  However, just like #2 would do in the same situation, he had left it until the last minute.

It was the night before the project was due in, and the little boy was sitting at the kitchen table surrounded by empty sheets of paper, sharpened pencils and unopened reference books about birds.

He was totally paralysed by the enormity of the task ahead of him. It seemed insurmountable.

Then, Anne's father sat down next to his son, put an arm round his shoulder, and said "Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird."

Anne wrote that story to help people get over writer's block, but realised that it applies to many situations in life. I think it's particularly relevant to us.

So, if that's how you're feeling, and the enormity of the task ahead has suddenly hit, and you're feeling overwhelmed, then don't think about the whole damn project. Just deal with one bird at a time....

....then after about 100 days worth of individual birds - from tiny hummingbirds, to huge, aggressive eagles, you find that the project is looking amazing. It's nearly finished!

You can't believe how much you achieved. You never thought it was possible. In fact, you're feeling so good about it that you decide to keep going, to see what else you can achieve.

And about six months after you started, not only is the whole bird project not at all daunting, but you realise that it's actually become your passion, your raison d'etre, an innate part of you. This is what you want for the rest of your life.

You put the books down, run into the street and shout "I'm going to be an ornithologist!" Or maybe a pilot? Or an aviation engineer. Whatever, the point is you're no longer afraid, and your whole life has changed.

That's why you mustn't give up. Just take it bird by bird.

Love SM

P.S. If you did fall off the waggon this weekend, then look out for my post tomorrow, for more wise words from Anne Lamott.

16 comments:

  1. Hi SM, it was good to read this as this past weekend was by far the toughest... Even my husband found it tough and he is a light drinker by most standards. Twice over the weekend he offered to go buy wine, twice I said "I think I'll pass" whilst my brain screamed "please, please buy some so I can sneak a bit whilst you are not looking!!" Thankfully, he didn't, and I didn't, and we both had an honest chat about how hard it was and started to think how we would handle next weekend and the end of January. The thing I took from Anne Lamott, is sometimes we need that little bit of support and encouragement when things look so overwhelming. So thank you to you, to him and to all the other lovely posters who have gotten me to 24 days. You give me wings. xxx

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    1. You're doing great, SWMum, and it WILL get easier, just don't stop now. One bird at a time....

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    2. Thanks SM.. I'm hanging on in there.. tweet tweet!!

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  2. Hi SM - another great post! I look forward to your post every morning and have been following you from the beginning of your journey. I am currently on day 11 and found out Friday that I need to have a breast biopsy done on an area I have been telling the dr about for the past 10 years... Instead of going to the same dr and getting another mammogram I went to a different hospital and thank god they did an ultrsound as well. Scheduled for Wednesday the waiting is dreadful..going to call this morning to see if I can get moved to tomorrow. Thank god I'm not drinking!! Keep up the great posts you have helped me more than you will ever know! ;) xo redwagon

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    1. Hi RedWagon! Congrats on 11 days, and sorry you have to go through the biopsy thing (it doesn't hurt, btw, just a bit uncomfortable and weird). Waiting is definitely the worst. If you are under 50 then ultrasounds are way better than mammograms. The odds are you'll be totally fine, but if not then PLEASE E-MAIL ME (sobermummy@gmail.com), and I'll help in any way I can. Try not to Google!!! Biggest hugs SM x

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  3. Oh man, I fell off everything this weekend. Talk about coming down to earth with a bump. I'm scratching around looking for positives. Trying to force myself to fuel my brain and body properly, when I feel I deserve to be buried in the swamp. Still, got to keep on treading the sewage, try to keep it below my head. Gah!

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    1. Oh no, poor you! Don't let it derail you! Forgive yourself, and keep plodding on :-) xxx

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  4. As always, your posts pull me through...day 25. This past weekend I wanted so badly to drink, but I didn't! I'm not wishing for time to go faster, as life is too precious to wish away, but the days are long right now. Quarter of the way to 100.

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    1. The first days do go SO SLOW! Keep at it - you're doing brilliantly!

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  5. Thanks SM, wise words. Have reached day 22 (at this point last year I gave up). But feels different this time - have 'come out' to my husband and told him I intend to go beyond January (still not sure I can do it though). Feel dog-tired at the moment and have had horrible headaches this weekend - did you have this?

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  6. Thanks SM, wise words. Have reached day 22 (at this point last year I gave up). But feels different this time - have 'come out' to my husband and told him I intend to go beyond January (still not sure I can do it though). Feel dog-tired at the moment and have had horrible headaches this weekend - did you have this?

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    1. Yes! Especially the tiredness! I was more tired than I could remember ever being. But at day 22, you should start coming out of the physical bit now and start getting your energy back! Are you sleeping well? X

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    2. Sleeping much better, deeper, still often wake up but usually just once. And I can easily do 9-10 hours! (Have years of lost sleep to catch up on) X

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    3. Sleeping much better, deeper, still often wake up but usually just once. And I can easily do 9-10 hours! (Have years of lost sleep to catch up on) X

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  7. I love that analogy.
    Loving one day at a time makes every day special. I like that.

    Anne

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  8. I saw your post title and thought. Yes. That's me. I am definitely struggling. On a daily and often a minute by minute basis. Not with staying alcohol free but with the decision to go alcohol free. Your blog has inspired me for weeks now and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It gives me hope and it inspired me to write my own blog about my struggles. Writing helps. Part of me is waiting for the opportunity to take abstinence bird by bird. Part of me isn't looking forward to it at all. Ripley!

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