Do you remember when you were little doing deals with the Universe (or with God)?
I certainly did. I would say things like If I get a Cindy doll for Christmas I will never be mean to my little brother again, and will eat all my greens for ever and ever amen.
Then, hopefully, the much coveted Cindy doll would arrive, and I'd be - momentarily - phenomenally grateful. I'd hug my brother and eat some brussel sprouts.
Then I'd forget about it all. I'd move onto Barbie dolls or Girl's World, start pinching my brother when no-one's looking, and trying to get the dog to eat my green beans.
So, as I wait for the results from my scan yesterday, I thought that I would immortalise my deal with the Universe on the wonderful world wide web, so that, if I ever take anything for granted again, I can come back and read it.
Here it is:
If I find out today that my cancer is 'localised' and has not spread, I promise to:
1. Never, ever envy the lives or possessions of other people. I will always remember that love, family and health are truly the most important things in life, and that if you have those you are utterly blessed.
2. Make the most of every day and every moment. To treasure every bedtime story, hug, family meal, shared joke - all those little moments that make life special.
3. Be the sort of mother, wife and friend that others can rely on in a crisis, the one they turn to first. To be their rock when they need one, as people have been for me. And I'll help my children to grow up strong and wise, so that they can look after themselves when I'm no longer here.
4. Look after and respect my body. Our bodies are incredible machines, but they need us to keep them safe. I will never again fill my body with toxins and poisons (although chocolate is fine, and I'm not about to start posting recipes for kale smoothies).
5. Give back. I have spent most of my life focussing on ME. Through this blog, maybe a book, and through random acts of kindness, I will make sure that every day I give something back.
But, if it's spread, and I'm told to put my affairs in order, then all bets are off, Universe. I'll look up at you, cursing, from the gutter, empty vodka bottle in hand....
Huge thanks to you all for all your prayers and best wishes. You have helped me more than you can possibly imagine, and I love you *weeping*
P.S. I note that someone has found my blog by typing 'Real Mummy's Massive Tits' into Google. I do apologise if this blog is not what you were looking for.